Alienated Parents, Keep Using These Words...
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There are lots of powerful words that you can use to communicate with your child, but none are more important than the words I will share with you.
– Using these words re-enforces your rightful place in your kids life.
– Hearing these words remind the child of the life-long bond you share.
– These are words that have been stripped for their vocabulary…and you can put them back.
These powerful words are Mom or Dad.
Understand that the alienator has devalued your influence in the child’s life as a true and valid parent. They consider themselves the only parent the child needs and create an environment where you are useless and irrelevant. By removing your title of mom or dad, they dehumanize you.
Let’s face it, it’s much easier to treat someone like crap if you reduce them to nothing but an interfering force in life. That’s why it is so important to keep using the word Mom or Dad at every opportunity. Constantly re-enforce your title, in a subtle but obvious way.
Realistically, you have to understand that because of all of the programming that they have been subjected to, this by itself will not have a direct or instant reaction. In many instances, they may even bristle at the idea that you’re their Mom or Dad. While that is hurtful to you, understand that (in my opinion) the root of their emotion and reaction is the reminder that they have such a bad relationship with their Mom or Dad. Personally, I’m fine with that. They actually NEED to feel that pain in order to connect what they are doing to you, a human-freaking-being who is also their parent.
I say this emphatically from my own personal experience. My mom would always call my Dad “AH,” this was short for a**hole. This was the name given to my Dad from the time I was 5 years old. As I got older it was upgraded to “nothing but a sperm donor.” Try living life with loving feelings and expressions for Daddy or Dad..impossible. SO, later in life, when I was a teenager and my Dad would sign things “Love Dad” it pinged my heart. It was painful on many levels. Of course it was turned into a “how dare he.” But I can honestly say I could have used more of that title re-enforcement to stir me inside.
The biggest takeaway – always use your title, not in a boastful or “I’m your damn parent” way, but with as much love and compassion you can.
Stay stay strong, positive and loving!
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